Floating in a strange, infinite void is a CHESSBOARD. Upon it are 32 pieces, 16 white and 16 black, arranged in standard formation. No moves have been made.
This is not a normal game of chess. There are no rules determining how a piece may move, nor what one may be capable of. There are only two rules to follow here.
1) Sides take turns in alternating order.
2) The game is over when one side manages to execute the other's KING.
Other rules may be added as the game progresses.
What shall the first move on this board be?
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Grey Knight: quietly mix up a batch of grey powder paint and see if anyone wants some.
got bandersnatches? i,uh, can handle that for you,
White Warlock: Bribe pieces to vote for your apprentice with crystals
>LEVITATING BLACK ROOK: Use resources gained from digging in conjunction with your ROOK CONSTRUCTION POWERS to finally save BLACK PAWN C.
The BLACK ROOK extends out a STAIRCASE just as the BLACK PAWN lands.
The BLACK PAWN says oh cool.
>MEGAPAWN: Be moved by Black Pawn H's speech and join it in the struggle for JUSTICE FOR ALL PAWNS.
The CANDIDATE BLACK PAWN only meant justice for all BLACK PAWNS. But, sure, couldn't hurt to have some muscle on its side. It welcomes the MEGAPAWN happily. The MEGAPAWN considers itself loyal to the BLACK PAWN H, because nobody else got to it first. If that's not a reason to trust someone, what is?
>Grey Knight: quietly mix up a batch of grey powder paint and see if anyone wants some.
No need. It already has the PAIL OF GREY PAINT it used earlier to GREY itself.
It asks the first piece it sees if it wants any PAINT.
The ROARING KNIGHT is unappreciative of the offer.
>White Warlock: Bribe pieces to vote for your apprentice with crystals.
Yes, perfect. It'll hand out some merch, and while it makes the deal it'll convince its patrons that voting for its candidate is the right call. The PAWNS'll eat it up, they're suckers.
The crystals its giving out are completely inert of course, no MAGICAL PROPERTIES whatsoever. But they look pretty!
Oh, shit. Some kind of LAW ENFORCEMENT steps up and asks if there's trouble. The WHITE WARLOCK hides the stuff.
The KNIGHT begins an impromptu interrogation. Who is it? What's it doing in the yellow suit? Did it see some CRYSTALS here just now? Are they, by chance, ILLEGAL CRYSTALS?
The WARLOCK attempts to deflect, and just kind of ends up stammering.
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> WW: Bribe the Roaring Knight with some crystals nervously.
Black Bishop A: Steal book on FUSION MAGIC from Megapawn
got bandersnatches? i,uh, can handle that for you,
Farmer Pawn: Till tiles next to river for a boost in production.
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>WW: Bribe the Roaring Knight with some crystals nervously.
The WHITE WARLOCK stutters. Hey, didn't see it there! These crystals? No, it was just holding them for a friend. Someone else. Maybe the KNIGHT wants one, and it can be on its way?
The WARLOCK is captured immediately.
It's sent to the CAPTURELIFE. The CONTRABAND is sent down with it.
>Black Bishop A: Steal book on FUSION MAGIC from Megapawn
The TOME OF FUSION MAJYCH is just sitting there, out in the open! Anyone could just walk up and grab it!
Anyone but the BLACK BISHOP A, who is still stuck on top of that tall pillar with the BLACK QUEEN B and has been since its transition. Someone should really do something to get them down.
>Farmer Pawn: Till tiles next to river for a boost in production.
That's not water, it's BLUE PAINT applied by the WARLOCK'S APPRENTICE. Remember?
Still, couldn't hurt to expand. The FARMER PAWN tills the soil down and wonders what it should plant.
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Blue Pawn: Give a speech. Not a particularly great speech. But still a speech.
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> Farmer Pawn: Plant Sugar and Rice in watery lowlands.
> Grey Knight: Paint some grey clouds over what is clearly a sky painting.
WW: Ascend.
I understand All of the time travel in Homestuck. All of it.
Black Bishop A or Black Queen B: Retrieve whatever book lets you walk on walls.
> FARMER PAWN: Plant sugar and rice in WATERY LOWLANDS.
You just aren't listening, are you.
> GREY KNIGHT: Paint some grey clouds onto SKY PAINTING.
> BLACK BISHOP A or BLACK QUEEN B: Retrieve whatever book lets you walk on walls.
The BLACK BISHOP A retrieves the MAGNETIST'S MANUAL and begins to research. It should be able to walk down soonish. Once it's done reading, it'll leave the book with the QUEEN.
>WW: Ascend.
The WHITE WARLOCK sneaks out of the CAPTURELIFE while nobody is looking! It'll take more than just one cop to topple its power!
Where'd that APPRENTICE of its get off to?
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>BLUE PAWN: Give a speech. Not a particularly great speech. But still a speech.
The BLUE PAWN starts talking about, like... respect. And, like, doing whatever you want, even if people hate you for it. It has this like, mentor? And the mentor is always saying its better than everyone else, but like, that isn't what the rules say? But it guesses there aren't any rules. Crazy to think about.
Uhhhh, what was it talking about?
Oh yeah. Uh, you should vote blue pawn, because...
Uh...
>Votes: Get tabulated
Voter turnout is abysmal. Only people who were there to listen to the speeches changed their opinions at all.
The POPULARITY PODIUMs alter their HEIGHTs to reflect the change.
The TALL WHITE ROOK does a little alteration of its own before the ADJUDICATOR notices. It doesn't go too overboard, gotta make it seem believeable.
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> Black Adjudicator: What do they gotta do now? Maybe a recap could help?
I understand All of the time travel in Homestuck. All of it.