Floating in a strange, infinite void is a CHESSBOARD. Upon it are 32 pieces, 16 white and 16 black, arranged in standard formation. No moves have been made.
This is not a normal game of chess. There are no rules determining how a piece may move, nor what one may be capable of. There are only two rules to follow here.
1) Sides take turns in alternating order.
2) The game is over when one side manages to execute the other's KING.
Other rules may be added as the game progresses.
What shall the first move on this board be?
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BLACK PAWN E: En Passant
The BLACK PAWN E runs up to WHITE's side, hoping to execute a diagonal CAPTURE MOVE on the WHITE KING.
It doesn't seem to notice the hole.
It falls right on top of the WHITE PAWN D, like something out of a THREE STOOGES sketch.
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WHITE KNIGHT B and WHITE BISHOP B: Merge to become the legendary WAR PRIEST.
The WHITE KNIGHT B and WHITE BISHOP B ponder the strategic value of such a maneuver. It would be worthwhile, they think, and it's a sacrifice they're both willing to make. But the merging would require high-level DARK TRANSITORY MAGIC neither of them know.
WHITE has not made a move. It is still WHITE's turn.
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GREY KNIGHT GO LEFT AND THEN DOWN A LIL
the epilogues are the best part of homestuck
White queen: Read UNFATHOMABLE TOME of chess openings.
Black Pawn B: find love in the middle of the battlefield
— matpat
WHITE QUEEN: Read TOME of chess openings.
Looks pretty standard so far. WHITE should probably vary their playstyle, they don't want to get TOO predictable.
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BLACK PAWN B: Find love.
BLACK PAWN B has been rather unlucky in that department. It's a hopeless romantic. It wanted to ask out its adjacent piece, BLACK PAWN C, but was unable to before it catapulted itself uselessly off the opposite edge of the board.
But it's okay. It has its heart set on SOMEONE ELSE now.
It's so suave. So sophisticated. BLACK PAWN B can tell this piece is a rebel. It doesn't play by the rules. It's a BAD KNIGHT. BLACK PAWN B has it for the GREY KNIGHT, and bad.
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GREY KNIGHT: Move down and to the left.
The GREY KNIGHT repositions itself to intimidate some WHITE PAWNS.
BLACK PAWN B is instantly struck with jealousy.
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Black rook A: travel 5 turns into the future
White Pawn D: check on the person who fell on top of you. give them a good scolding! tell them they need to watch where they're going
— matpat
WHITE PAWN D: Check on whoever fell on top of you, scold if necessary
WHITE PAWN D begins to yell at the dunce who fell on top of it, before realizing it is a member of the ENEMY SIDE. Both of them prepare to duke it out.
But then, both of them realize there's no way back up. Like it or not, they're stuck down here together.
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BLACK ROOK A: Travel 5 turns into the future
TIME TRAVEL is an extremely high-level DARK MOVEMENT MAGIC spell, and would take a very long time to learn!
Luckily, a BLACK ROOK from the future arrives to take BLACK ROOK A there instead.
Looks like this one is outfitted cybernetically to travel through time, instead of having learned it by magic.
But, whatever. Same difference. Both of them shoot off into the future.
Also while all that was happening the BLACK BISHOP A finished mastering TRANSITORY MAGICS.
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> WHITE PAWN D: Propose a truce with BLACK PAWN E
Check out my adventure Complete Idiocy on MSPFA! (https://mspfa.com/?s=64010&p=1)
Also check out my forum adventure YOU CAN'T SEE SQUAT! (https://www.fruityrumpus.com/forums/t/you-cant-see-squat)
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BLACK PAWN E: DENY AND TRY TO PUSH WHITE PAWN OFF THE SIDE. FOR THE KING!!!!
the epilogues are the best part of homestuck
WHITE PAWN D: Propose truce with BLACK PAWN E.
WHITE PAWN D tells BLACK PAWN E that there's no point in fighting, if one of them died the other would still be stuck down here, and now without help. It tells it that until they find a way out, they should be allies.
The BLACK PAWN E agrees. Truth be told, it didn't like its chances, WHITE PAWN D or no.
WHITE PAWN D asks if BLACK PAWN E has any plans for how to get out of here.
BLACK PAWN E says no.
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BLACK PAWN C: Deploy parachute
Sure thing. Luckily every member of the BLACK ARMY is equipped with one of these Probably the WHITE ARMY too. They're useful to have when you live on such a tall, possibly infinitely so, pillar.
Though, nobody knows what's at the bottom, or if there even is a bottom. The parachutes are mostly just for peace of mind.
It's a long way down...
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Black bishop B: Summon Pot Of Greed to draw three additional pawns from your deck
HE IS
ABSOLUTELY
KILLED!!!!
> White Pawn A: Attempt to cultivate pasture lands in the tile in front of you (A3?)
WHITE PAWN A: Cultivate the land in front of you into a farmable state.
The WHITE PAWN A decides to set up a nice little farm, as PAWNs are known to do.
The ground here isn't very good for that, though. Some WATER would help. It isn't sure if SUNLIGHT exists in this realm, but some of that couldn't hurt either.
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