Floating in a strange, infinite void is a CHESSBOARD. Upon it are 32 pieces, 16 white and 16 black, arranged in standard formation. No moves have been made.
This is not a normal game of chess. There are no rules determining how a piece may move, nor what one may be capable of. There are only two rules to follow here.
1) Sides take turns in alternating order.
2) The game is over when one side manages to execute the other's KING.
Other rules may be added as the game progresses.
What shall the first move on this board be?
Read Cold, Cold Flood on AO3!
Black Rook A: consider reporting witnessed crime to the kingdoms authorities
White Pawn B: No one respects the rules of chess! Be the example no matter what. Move two tiles forward
— matpat
Black Bishop A: promote to NECROMANCER
"This is StuckUnderHell, nor am I out of it." - Mephistopheles
WHITE QUEEN: Research THE MAGIC OF LESBIAN ROMANCE.
GREY KNIGHT: Neigh at pawns as an attempt at friendship.
HONNNKKKKKKK mimimimimimimi HONKKKKKK mimimimimi....... huh?.. whats going on........ HONNNKJKKNKNKNKKKKKK mimimimimimimi HONKNKKKNKNNKKNKKKK mimimimimimi...........
Black Pawn B: Deploy your parachute after recovering from your confusion
— matpat
I meant Black Pawn A oops. Black Pawn A deploy parachute
— matpat