Floating in a strange, infinite void is a CHESSBOARD. Upon it are 32 pieces, 16 white and 16 black, arranged in standard formation. No moves have been made.
This is not a normal game of chess. There are no rules determining how a piece may move, nor what one may be capable of. There are only two rules to follow here.
1) Sides take turns in alternating order.
2) The game is over when one side manages to execute the other's KING.
Other rules may be added as the game progresses.
What shall the first move on this board be?
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If there are no rules dictating what a piece can be capable of, then can the Rook get taller? I propose the white rook on the right double twice its height. Because Height always gives you an advantage. I learned this in school.
— matpat
>WHITE ROOK A: Double Height.
After a remarkably quick construction period, the WHITE ROOK A has been renovated to a new, better height. You can see for miles from the top, which gives you an excellent vantage point with which to watch the nothing of note happening everywhere except this board.
It is now BLACK's turn.
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Pawn 3 forward to 50 acres.
the epilogues are the best part of homestuck
>BLACK PAWN C: Move Forward 50 Acres.
The BLACK PAWN C tears out running, breaking rank to charge at the opponents across from it. It's going for distance!
Unfortunately, the WHITE PAWN F and WHITE BISHOP B are able to see it coming and have plenty of time to react. They sidestep into adjacent spaces, nearly missing being bowled over.
The BLACK PAWN C is unable to do anything about its momentum. It careens over the edge and falls into the infinite void below. The first casualty of a war that is already proving both senseless and stupid.
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White Rook B: decrease your height to half your size. if you're short you can be very sneaky
— matpat
WHITE ROOK B: Shrink Self To Half Height
WHITE ROOK B has been renovated, and is now dwarfed by even the shortest of pawns. It's compact design allows it to move faster, and it will take longer to be picked up by enemy DETECTION CONES.
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black king: TURN into second queen (lesbianism)
the epilogues are the best part of homestuck
BLACK KING: Turn Into A Second BLACK QUEEN, For Purposes Of Lesbianism.
The BLACK KING cannot become a BLACK QUEEN without either DARK MAGIC or an ESTROGEN PRESCRIPTION. The BLACK SIDE currently has access to neither.
Recommended courses of action:
Option 1) Have one of Black's PIECES research MEDICINE.
Option 2) Have one of Black's PIECES research DARK MAGIC.
Option 3) Abort TRANSITION progression for BLACK KING. [BLACK KING will become DEPRESSED.]
Black has not made a move. It is still Black's turn.
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black bishop RESEARCH the dark arts of religious transitory magic casting powers
the epilogues are the best part of homestuck
queuing up a move for white because i will forget later
Tall Rook: Use HEIGHT powers to increase the TALLNESS ATTRIBUTE of the BLACK KING(?)'s square significantly, such that deliveries of ESTROGEN may not make it to him(?).
>:O HOW DARE YOU
the epilogues are the best part of homestuck
GASP. I cant believe it... my comfort character (Tall White Rook A) is TRANSPHOBIC?! D: /j
I'll say a new move after black makes a move lol I have so many silly ideas
— matpat
BLACK BISHOP A: Begin RESEARCH into DARK TRANSITORY MAGIC.
The BLACK BISHOP A summons its BOOK OF DARK MAGIC and begins to RESEARCH. It has a bonus to all DISCIPLINES relating to DARK MAGIC, because it is on the BLACK SIDE. THREE TURNS from now, the BLACK BISHOP A will have mastered DARK TRANSITORY MAGIC. Other black pieces can still make moves while BLACK BISHOP A is RESEARCHING.
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WHITE ROOK A: Use HEIGHT POWERS to increase the height of BLACK KING'S space, in hopes of preventing ESTROGEN PRESCRIPTION from reaching it.
The BLACK KING is rocketed upwards by the powerful HEIGHT MAJYX. It would not survive a fall from this distance.
Other pieces can still get up there by mastering MOVEMENT MAGIC. Or by obtaining a LADDER.
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White Pawn D: Dig. Dig. DIG. Dig a hole in the ground. if you start tunneling, maybe you can go under enemy lines and sneak attack
— matpat
White Bishop F and White Knight G: merge to become the War Priest, a 2-square-wide piece which can move either as a bishop or as a knight, destroying friend and foe alike.
"This is StuckUnderHell, nor am I out of it." - Mephistopheles
BLACK KNIGHT A: Paint self grey.
The BLACK KNIGHT A douses itself in grey paint. It makes sure to properly seal itself, too. Can't be sullying the board.
The BLACK SIDE mistakes such a light shade for WHITE, and the KNIGHT for an INFILTRATOR. They promptly kick it out of their ranks.
The WHITE SIDE doesn't want to affiliate with such a shade either.
The GREY KNIGHT is now a FREE AGENT. Moves taken by the GREY KNIGHT do not count as turns by either team.
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WHITE PAWN D: Dig a tunnel to the other side.
Usually DON'T DIG STRAIGHT DOWN is the first rule of CHESS. However, as has previously been established, there are no rules here.
BOARD LAYER 2 has been discovered.
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