So that's it. No leeway, no compromise, just stupid fucking jokes.

I'm not sure if this is a thread for jokes or something else, but here's a knock-knock joke I saw in a dream last week...

B: knock knock
A: who's there
B: rock
A: rock who?
B: rock turn off the dishwasher

Now that I think about it for more than a second, it seems to be nonsensical.

knock knock

Labyrinth! First of all, I love your joke. Your subconscious is quite funny! This can be a thread for jokes if anyone wishes it. However (and many might not know this), the topic is actually a reference to a scene from The Sopranos where a character by the name of Phil Leotardo (previously Leonardo, but those pricks at Ellis Island hated Italians) subtly refers to his small stint in "the can" (prison) which lasted twenty years!

who's there?

re: umbrella

Thank you for the succinct explanation! I think it would suit the reference to turn this thread into one for jokes japes and pranks... but of course I am a humble civil servant, so I will bow to the will of the people. By the way, I was surprised to learn that his name really was Phil Leotardo! Apparently, it's based on real-life crime-boss Phil Leonetti. I cannot imagine any world where they did that on accident. Sucks!

So my wife, she's leaving the house and I ask her, "Where are ya goin'?" She says, "Five Nights at Freddy's!" I say, "Have fun at the movie!" and she says "What movie?"

re: five nights at freddys
I thought that was more of a horror story than a joke, but I still quite enjoyed it. Here's one of my favorites, shamelessly stolen from norm macdonald. You should look up his moth joke and watch a video, maybe, since delivery's half the fun.



“A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”

The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the… in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps... perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all… Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good.

And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come in here?” And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on.”

re: moth

I love Norm and as such, I love this "joke." His non-jokes were always my favorite.

Here's a classic from the famous 'Jokes for Minecrafters: Booby Traps, Bombs, Boo-Boos, and More'

Did you hear about the noob who spent the first few minutes of nightfall without any weapons?
It wasn't long before she got destroyed.

re: minecrafters
I love this anti-joke. Doesn't this page have like that same punchline 4 times?

Here's a few bad ones from "HUMOR ME: The Geranium Lady's Funny Little Book of Big Laughs", a joke/quip book by and for the tittering grandmothers of the world.

My doctor is an eye, ear, nose, throat and, and wallet specialist.

I finally got my head together -- then my body fell apart!

Youth: By the time your face clears up, your mind gets fuzzy.

The greatest punchline is that this book really exists.