I agree with what Alexis said above about thinking about it as a relational thing and seeking respect and understanding.

My advice is kind of hampered by the fact I'm still working on gender stuff myself. I think there might be an element of this stuff is always going to be kind of depressing to think about so long as transphobia exists, but I also feel like that sort of thinking prevents people from like...maximizing their happiness and minimizing their suffering just out of a feeling of utter futility.

I dunno, I guess what I mean is I think it's an unrealistic expectation put on trans people to have an epiphany or apotheosis whatever where gender is Figured Out and since they're so totally authentic all the time nothing could ever massively upset them about who they are. I think that absolves other people from the duty of making sure transgender people feel and are supported and comfortable.

When I was younger I came out as nonbinary and all the bullshit I got for that made me think I must be wrong in who I'm saying I want to be, so I lived as a man for a few years. Those were some miserable years for me. I don't think that means I did anything wrong with the information I had...and I don't know if anyone could've given me advice to have avoided those years so much as I think support would've gone a long way.

So maybe my advice is prioritize getting that support? Or like really pay attention to when people say things that make you feel like you can't be yourself around them and think about if they're somebody you feel comfortable correcting, and if they just continually make it obvious they're going to just add strife to your journey then try to minimize interacting with them. Easier said than done a lot of the time since these could be teachers or other people with power but I wish I hadn't spent so much time with transphobic people when I was in college where I had a choice in the matter.

The other thing is, and this is a failure of the terminology really so I get the confusion, being transfem doesn't relate one-to-one to being a woman vs not being a man, or even being feminine, though obviously to a lot of transfems those might be important parts of who they are. It's an umbrella term for people who were assigned male and go against that assignment in ways that socially make sense to lump together and will have some of the same experiences and issues. To relate it to what Alexis said, it's a relational thing. You could be nonbinary and not really want to be a capital w Woman, but if your experiences going against your gender assignment align with transfems then there's a social utility in describing yourself as such.

I think it'd be kind of hypocritical as someone who doesn't really like calling myself transmasc to say you have to understand yourself as transfem, but I feel like transmisogyny has a more insidious way of denying people any kind of language to describe themselves so ig like, at the least don't approach this stuff as what you "qualify" as at the least. It's really disheartening how many nonbinary people I see who would benefit from allowing themselves to call themselves transfem but think they don't meet some kind of international standard for it or something.

Sorry if this was kind of rambly and didn't pertain to what you were asking...you can totally ask me for clarification if needed