Vwhat vwould Make the Amporas Happy?

professional mental help.

just kidding (sorta.) i really like the amporas, and i think my answer is being genuinely loved and cared for? no one around eridan or cronus seems to really... care about them? the closest example to that that we have is feferi, and she didn't even really like eridan. i do believe she wanted him to get better, she just wasn't helping eridan in a way that actually worked for him (which is partly on account of him being a huge prick, but still.)

cronus, everyone just straight-up hates. which is fair, he is... well, cronus. everyone seems to be aware that his whole greaser playboy thing is a mask, but instead of trying to offer him any kind of help, everyone just clowns on him for it.

and they aren't even wrong to do so! the amporas are jerks! personal accountability is of course something they both need, but i think in order to achieve that they both need someone to genuinely understand them, which no one in the comic is willing to do. granted, they make it insanely difficult, but they need someone to help break down those walls.

Yeah, that is a given. Nobody will bat an eye to somebody who harasses and kills their fellow players. It doesn't really come into play within the webcomic, but imagine only knowing 11/12 other people your whole life. No friends. No family. All you have is yourself and the world ain't even your oyster! Seeing things from the SBURB and SGRUB players' perspective really makes it clear that having friends is incredibly vital to live a stable life. Of course, neither of the Amporas have any, so they are naturally miserable to themselves and to others.

They don't deserve happiness. Also the answer is Shrek