BLACK BISHOP A: Scale the KING'S TOWER! You need to TRANS it RIGHT NOW!

The BLACK BISHOP A uses the BLACK QUEEN as a stepladder, apologizing profusely the whole time.

There we go.

WHITE PAWN A: Conjure literature on CHESS AGRICULTURE from the library.

The WHITE PAWN A begins to bone up on FARMING. There's some good stuff in here! The WHITE PAWN A will certainly have a flourishing farm in no time.

BLACK PAWN C: Look up.

Not much to see.

WHITE PAWN D: DIG! Digging will help you and your allies, surely.

Looks like this floor isn't just a tile you can pull up. The WHITE PAWN D will need some time to get through this. Surely it'll help them get back up to the top layer. Somehow.

In the absence of anything else to do, the BLACK PAWN E and the GREY KNIGHT join in.

GREY JESTER: Do something! Please? Incite some violence! The BLACK SIDE could certainly use some COLLECTIVE ACTION, maybe some REVOLUTIONARY LITERATURE?

The GREY JESTER gets PISSED. You can't tell it what to do. It was having fun just watching. That's what clownly types like to do, y'know? Show up due to shenanigans, watch shit happen, appreciate it for what it is, and then dip with a honk and a twirl. Maybe it would have liked fucking with that GREY KNIGHT, but it is obviously GONE now, so what's the point?

The GREY JESTER says FUCK YOU FOR TRYING TO CONTROL IT, and unleashes a low-level CHAOS BOMB.

The WHITE PAWN A's FARMLAND is turned to DESERT. Out of spite.

The BLACK ROOK B gains the ability to fly, no RESEARCH required.

And a recently disposed-of WITNESS is returned to life, good as new.

Huh, two out of three of those results were a lot more benevolent than the GREY JESTER was hoping for. Well, that's the nature of CHAOS BOMB, it supposes.

It fucks off SOMEWHERE ELSE, to MAYBE BE SEEN AGAIN, BUT WHO KNOWS WHEN.

ANY PIECE: JUMP OFF THE EDGE to see what's down there.

It's BLACK's turn, and one of their PIECEs can FLY now, so sure. The FLYING ROOK dips below the surface to see if anything is happening. As it turns out, something is!

WHITE QUEEN: Attempt something AMBITIOUS, FAIL SPECTACULARLY.

The WHITE QUEEN prepares a spell. After today, NOBODY will be able to resist its WILES!

Except, obviously, it doesn't work. It'll need to RESEARCH something first, like everyone else.

WHITE has not moved. It is still WHITE's turn.

WHITE WARLOCK: Conjure and read a guide to MAKING AND SELLING ILLEGAL DRUGS.

MAKING them will be significantly easier than DISTRIBUTING them. They'll need a LAIR in which to cook, and a way to SELL their wares without getting caught. PROCURING INGREDIENTS will probably be pretty difficult, too.

The APPRENTICE WHITE PAWN wants to read too. It mostly just looks at the pictures.