In topic: "trans people: what fictional works helped you self-realize?"
The blurring of identities and genders in Kingdom Hearts made a big impact on me growing up, and in a weird way so did the styles of digivolution in 02 and Digimon Tamers. Even though neither of these series is explicitly trans, ideas of transformation as connected to your identity and identity as defined partly via the relationship you have with other people was always something that shaped my personal conception of gender a lot.
To wit: The World Ends With You, a DS game with some overlap with Kingdom Hearts but a more distinct identity and mature themes. One notable mechanic in TWEWY is the way it handles wearing clothes. Its set in modern day Shibuya, and equipment is literally just shopping from different clothing brands and such.
The only thing stopping you from wearing girl clothes is the "Bravery" requirement those clothes have--girls clothes tend to have higher BRV requirements than more masc clothes. Your one girl playable character also has a higher BRV stat than the three boys do. But you can grind the BRV stat up for all of them over the course of normal gameplay if you know what you're doing, so dressing Joshua in lapin angelique lolita outfits is just kind of my right for playing through the whole game.
'"I thought this was a love story," you say.
Your Lola's insistence has remained with you since the beginning, and you say these words in a quiet manner, with a shrug, as if to let these performers know it is fine, it does not matter that much, this thought—that maybe the definition of what a love story is could be stretched to include all that has up till now taken place. You say it like an apology. Like it is a thing to be apologized for.
A runaway child, charging through the porcelain shelves:
I thought this was a love story. I had hoped this was a love story.
You say it with shame, embarrassed at having said it, wishing you could take it back.
You say it, worried that you have betrayed some secret part of yourself that does not wish to be exposed—
an old gremlin in you, sick and yearning. You say it with hope.
Timid, and without conviction.
The hope of someone who knows they are about to wake from a dream to a reality they do not understand. The pub awaits, as does your empty bed.
I thought this was a love story.
You regret having said it; as if you know it will lessen the quality of the tale. Rob it of its smoke and shadow. But still, you say it.
And this moonlit body smiles. And from the wings the patting of the drums slowly builds, and the curtains behind the dancers rise. Because you are right, this moonlit body tells you;
This is indeed a love story. Down to the blade-dented bone.'
-You, in the Inverted Theater - The Spear Cuts Through Water
"I don't care if the best I can hope for is half of what I want. I'm not here for a realistic outcome. I'm just going to fight! Forever! With perfect greed! Until I get everything!"
-Saturn, Heaven will be Mine
